Why Turning 40 Changed My Perspective on “Rules”

I have always been a rule follower. I have never been comfortable with guidelines or grey areas.  I like rules.  I like the rigidity.  I like the order and structure that rules bring with them and this has served me well in my 40 years.  My husband has always joked that I live inside a tiny box with no windows  – not a rectangle, not a parallelogram, a square.

However all of those years of strict adherence took a toll.  Recently I found myself feeling so stressed by having to follow “all the rules” I realized I was giving myself no room for grace.  I had become nearly paralyzed. How could I possibly follow all of the rules and give 100% to “all of the things” in my life. I simply couldn’t keep all the balls in the air. I was stuck. I felt trapped. There was no light at the end of tunnel. Something had to change.

And then I had an epiphany.  What were these so called “rules?”  Who determined them? Slowly, I started changing the rules. Bending them to fit my needs. It was scary. I was following a workout plan that required workouts 7 days a week, but I was out of town 3 days a week. I was following an eating plan that required me to make everything I ate from scratch, from meals to condiments, but I also worked a job that required travel and client lunches and dinners. I had to start modifying the plans and guess what, the workout police didn’t come knocking at my door. I didn’t gain 20 pounds and the world didn’t stop turning.  I was still following rules so to speak.  They were just my rules and not those I had let be arbitrarily imposed upon me.

Over the last year or so my stress and anxiety levels have dropped significantly. I am happier and healthier than I have been my entire life. I started saying “no” to things that didn’t work for me. I created boundaries and redefined relationships. I reevaluated my eating and exercise strategies.  I stopped stressing out about keeping things perfect.

Obviously there are rules in all our lives that are nonnegotiable – laws, morals, values.  However, the greatest lesson I learned turning 40 was that so many of the rules I had been abiding by were really not hard and fast requirements.  There are so many areas of my life that I could make the “rules” whatever I needed them to be.  So if you are feeling overwhelmed and stuck by all that you need to do or all that you need to be, take my advice.  Take a deep breath and decide what you really need in your life going forward.  So tomorrow if you want to spread out a 7 day workout plan to 10 days, that’s ok. If you want to substitute peas for corn in a recipe because you don’t like corn, do it!  We only get one pass through life, we need to make it work for each of us.